A Weighty Loss of Perceptual Acuity

A drooling drunk down on Tulare Street in front of the downtown Fresno Post Office asked me for a dime and plunked it into a parking meter.


After it clicked in, he grabbed the meter fiercely by its pole and begin jumping up and down--shouting, "Hey I losted me like a hunnert pounds...hey be losin' me like a hunnert pounds...!!"

Tony vice redwing@wildblue.net	Jul 4 (3 days ago)

Hey buddy,

 

Here's a true drunk joke on me.

 

Twenty some years ago I was playing at a bar in Colorado with my band, the Lizards.  We were a hard drinking bunch that never would have even considered playing sober.

 

I went to the machine to buy cigarettes but no Marlboros came out, no matter how many quarters I pumped into it.  Finally, enraged, I reared back and started kicking the damn thing. 

 

The bouncer came up, laid a hand on my shoulder and said, "Sir, that's a jukebox."

FILL-A-BREW'S DRUNK JOKES BLOG

PLEASE CONTRIBUTE A GOOD DRUNK JOKE
IF YOU KNOW ONE..!

(Please enumerate & forward back to me--and also to any
'drunk joke-appreciating' pals who need a good chuckle.)





The other night, I had several social workers, doctors and nurses, in the ER 5150 lock-up roaring with laughter telling them (non-PC) 'drunk jokes'.  (Always loved tellin'em.)  DJ's, of course, are always better 'telt' than read from the printed page--because, in good 'story telling form', they must be 'acted out' along with flatus sounds, belching, hiccupping, grunts, wheezing, twitching, barking, snarling, hissing, strange body language, anglo-saxonisms, and obscene gestures..!

In the background, in our ER Mash Unit, we could hear the alkys, cranksters, cocaine annies, and pot heads whining, growling, farting, screaming, ripping their paper hosptial pajamas to shreds, spitting, cussing, soiling themselves, and beatin' the hell outta their bedside rails--as much as they could while in four-points restraints.

Fun to watch..!

"Gonna remember you--be gonna lookin' yo ass up whitey...whup-yo upside yo hay--mf--f--mf--f--mf--f...%#@!!--I be like goin'like tear yo heart out n hand it to yo still beatin'--yo..."--they'd scream while I'd sing Willie Nelson's 'Crazy' to them in maudlin nasal tones.

Tickling them with feathers around the ears provided a tad of sport--but generally we had to tell jokes, pump up the Janis Joplin music real high, and laugh 'till we snorted--to shut them out of earshot.

In one of the jokes, the other night, I was describing seeing this drunk down on Tulare Street, Fresno, in front of the Post Office--walking with one-foot-in-the-gutter--and one-foot-on-the-sidewalk.

Always wholesome in outlook and ready to do a good deed, I said, "Sir--Why are you walking with one foot in the gutter and one foot on the sidewalk..?"

The drunk said, "...Oh--thanks..!  ...I thought I be like--CRIPPLED...!"

FILL-A-BREW'S DRUNK JOKES BLOG

Copyright © 2012 by P.C. Brewer